Teen Dating Violence — How to Spot It and Stop It

Violence in teenage relationships is more common than you might think. In a study of adults who have been the victim of abuse from an intimate partner, 26% of women and 15% of men said they first experienced that abuse before age 18.

But teen dating violence can be prevented if parents and teens know what to look for.

What is dating violence?

Teen dating violence, or just dating violence, isn’t as simple as it sounds. It can take many forms, both in person or electronically.

The first form is physical violence. This is what probably comes to mind first: kicking, hitting or using any other forms of physical force to cause harm against your teen.

The next is sexual violence. This is when a partner forces or tries to force your teen into a sexual act in person or electronically (e.g. sexting) when your teen doesn’t or can’t consent.

Next up is psychological aggression. This is where your teen’s partner exerts control over your teen’s thoughts or emotions, either through verbal or non-verbal communication.

Finally, there’s stalking. Stalking is repeated, unwanted attention or contact that raises fear or concern for your teen’s safety, or the safety of someone close to your teen.

For teens, some of these forms of aggression might seem “normal” or like they aren’t a big deal. But if left unchecked, they can become serious forms of violence and patterns of abuse.

What are the signs of dating violence?

If you suspect that your teen is in a potentially violent relationship, these are the signs their partner might show. Try to pay attention when you see the two interact, or ask your teen if their partner matches any of these descriptions:

• They’re unusually moody. They may feel incredibly jealous or insecure, and fly into unexpected bouts of anger or rage.
• They show violent tendencies. They may threaten physical violence toward your teen or others, or actually cause it.
• They pressure your teen into unwanted sexual activity. They have a hard time taking “no” for an answer.
• They show little respect for your teen or their things. Taunting and bullying are common, with no regard for your teen’s feelings. They may even vandalize or ruin your teen’s personal property.
• They’re extremely controlling. They might prevent your teen from going out or talking to other people, or constantly check in to see what your teen is doing or who they’re with.
• They invade your teen’s privacy. They may demand access to your teen’s social media accounts or to see their phone to check text messages.
• They don’t take responsibility for their actions. When problems arise in the relationship, they always blame your teen.

All of these factors contribute to more than just an unhealthy relationship — they can carry some serious consequences for your teen’s mental health. They might feel depressed or anxious, or even start to have suicidal thoughts. It’s not unusual for someone who’s been abused to start bullying others, or to turn to habits like drugs, tobacco and alcohol.

And those consequences can be really long-lasting. As your teen grows into an adult, they may continue to settle for unhealthy relationships. They might feel like they don’t deserve to be respected, or feel like they’re stuck with a partner who abuses them.

How can teen dating violence be prevented?

Preventing dating violence starts with communication. For many teens, they feel like they can’t talk to their parents about what’s going on in their dating life. They might be embarrassed, or feel like they won’t be understood. Or worse, they might feel like they’ll be judged.

Keeping an open line of communication can be an incredibly helpful tool for your teen as they navigate relationships. If you’re open to listening — and believing — what your teen has to say, they’ll be more likely to come to you when they have questions or concerns about their relationship.

Above all, teach your teen that they are worthy of respect. A sense of self-worth can help them better identify relationships that don’t suit their needs, and people who are trying to exert control over them.

Where to turn for help

Nobody faces violence alone. If you or someone you know it in a violent relationship, here’s where you can turn for support.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a free and confidential way to get support, 24/7. You can start a text chat with a live representative from the website, or call 800-799-SAFE (7233) to talk to someone at any hour.

Likewise, Community Health Network’s Center of Hope is a support system right here in Central Indiana. While the center is located at Community Hospital East, you can access services at Community Hospitals North, South and Howard in Kokomo. You can give us a call 24/7 at 317-355-HOPE (4673).

If you need help processing abuse you’ve faced, the behavioral health team at Community can help. You can schedule a virtual visit with a licensed therapist, or call 317-621-5700 if you need to talk to someone right away.

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